Story of the night: Grand Mal Auto....

What's the difference between these two?

Apparently, this weekend was the weekend for people who shouldn't be driving to smash their car into someone else in Los Angeles.

In Lindsay Lohan's case, she crashed her rented Porsche into a tractor-trailer on Friday afternoon. She and her assistant were taken to the hospital (though conspicuously Lohan not by ambulance) and were released without major injuries. The truck driver, whom Lohan claims to have cut her off, also is stating that her reps attempted to "buy him off" at the scene. Now before I go any further, when the fuck did TMZ become the prime news source for this shit? I mean, if ABCNews has to quote TMZ, what is next? McDonald's providing recipes to the Food Channel?  That said, the news feeds are putting out there a supposed leak that Lohan lied to the police initially about who was driving the car, her or her assistant, which would be quite a legal problem for her probation if found untrue.Now even giving creedence to scenarios offered up by a company who's primary job is to stalk celebrities for bad photo ops, what the living fuck is Lohan doing renting a fucking Porsche? And why on earth wouldn't she have her assistant drive? (unless they either cannot drive, or didn't want to be responsible for said Porsche) And if she really did claim that there were "faulty brakes" on the car that caused the accident, wouldn't the cops be able to check that shit out?

In the other case, Secretary of Commerce John Bryson was involved with two hit and run collisions on Saturday evening. Bryson, driving a Lexus (what is with these high-end cars? Don't they all have like a million commercials touting their "safety"?) first into a car stopped at a railroad crossing, then after leaving the scene of the accident (and hitting the car again), went on his merry way and while being followed by the men he ditched the first time, went and hit another fucking car. I'm certain Bryson would've driven away from this one as well, but oops, he went ahead and went unconscious. Now at least all these facts were actually verified through the police and surprisingly not Access Hollywood, but the story gets just as weird. At first testing ok for alcohol (blood tests are pending), the Commerce Department released a statement saying that Bryson had suffered seizures causing the two accidents. Of course I'm not a doctor, and I can't go and diagnose him for zilcho. But stating that oops, just coincidentally when he's out on his own without any government staff he zaps out not once, but twice, and after apparently talking to the first set of hit people decided to fucking get in his car and drive off before the fucking police come is fucking ridiculous as well a criminal (he could and should be facing felony hit-and-run charges). I don't give a shit if you had a heart attack and by the grace of the almighty spaghetti monster spring back to perfect shape, you don't fucking leave the scene of an accident. You think the little "talk" he had with the three guys didn't involve the fact of him hitting them? And if so, what right does he have in any fucking condition to just leave? And this fucktard was released with no charges at all to be able to leave the state and return to Washington? Tell me that the police would do the same thing with their more, um, browner residents. This is insanity. Of course none of this blathering on about his supposed condition is not done under any oath against perjury. But of course it's got everyone properly hypnotized. At first the GOP slime machine started their snark, with Karl Rove's American Crossroads shit-tank tweeting their glee over a drunk cabinet member somehow making it indicative of the whole Obama administration (of course carrying on the narrative of Obama being snookered by anti-progressive hacks he placatingly put in his cabinet, this time Bryson, the Boeing hawk-think-tank member). But think about it, how was this man allowed to hit two cars and take off and be able to LEAVE THE STATE? This is where all the black-helicopter loony fears of an untouchable leadership have an eyedropper full of possible truth. I'm not totally optimistic about the media doggedly following this in fear of (for once) someone in the Dem side playing the victim card. And yes, fuck it, he should be called out for it, and treated just like anybody, Republican, Democrat, fucking Cyborg, or otherwise. If he had a seizure, fine, fuck it, it still doesn't account or atone for all of his actions Saturday night. And if not, watch for the circus show to start. And if so, President, please don't play into the game of defending this capitalist 1%er hack if it turns out false, unless you don't mind retiring early and fucking the sane half of this country.

So , really, what's the difference between Secretary of Commerce and Boeing drone John Bryson and celebrity toilet Lindsay Lohan? Nothin'.