Twostepcublog

Look, Ma, I can get blown with no hands! Today Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JP Morgan, not the bubbly judge from the Gong Show , but the company that sort of lost 2 billion fucking dollars from the economy, was hauled before Congress so that they could indict him on fraud charges lick his balls like an overeager eunuch. Dimon testified before the Senate Banking Committee, which by the name would seem to imply a certain assumption of knowledge about the subject. But instead we get this from South Carolina's (that's the brain-addled Carolina) Jim DeMint, King of the "Tea Party".... "We can hardly sit in judgement of your losing $2 billion," the junior senator from South Carolina explained. "We lose twice that every day here in Washington and plan to continue to do that every day. It's comforting to know that even with a $2 billion loss in a trade last year, your company still, I think, had a $19 billion profit. During that same period, we lost ov...

It's been over a month since an oil rig exploded in the Gulf of Mexico, causing oil and carbon pollutants to spill into the area in the hundreds of thousands of gallons. So far almost 62,000 square miles have been blocked from fishing , and since the ooze along with the possibly toxic dispursants BP has been using have hit the shorelines of Louisiana and beyond, an irrevocable catastrophe has hit the same area that mother nature only temporarily shut down a few years before. Finally, after all this the administration is setting to do something, as the Attorney Generals office is preparing criminal investigations and admitting that BP is not to be trusted . A well pipe has been cut to prepare for a cap , but now more oil is flowing than ever. The thing is, would we actually be waiting all this time if this amount of oil would be spewing on land? And why isn't that fuckweasel CEO who is shouting for newscameras to stop filming in jail? And where is the idiot brigade with the ...

Last night, on the beloved Facebook , someone I knew had answered a poll about whether they'd vote for Obama in 2012. It came with a "R U NUTZ ". I have no idea why I even would pay attention, since I could care less about all those polls, games, apps, whatever in there. Yes I guess after a day with no heat, I was a little cranky. I made a comment about what was the better option: McCain/ Palin ? That started a string of typical talking point bullying that wasn't backed up by any fact. One thing stuck out, this guy kept repeating about how the economy and the country is going to hell, and somehow history leading up to this doesn't matter. And as I have a real valid problem with people in Obama's economic team and their priorities (read: Geithner / Sumners ), the one thing that I did grasp was the need for a stimulus program to spark the flaccid job market (though I agree with economists like Krugman that it should have been larger). Well the proof truly is ...

As the majority of Americans seem to be transfixed on where golfers stick their clubs, the juggernaut of political self-serving molasses known as the US Senate is bouncing the healthcare reform dodgeball like a repressed goth girl at a Catholic elementary school. I got to hand it to the politicians and pundits who have been able to convince middle to lower-but-think-they're-middle-class people that it's in their best interests to continue the clusterfuck of a crapshoot that the insurance industry has become. Without a bat of a eyelash, millions of dollars are being passed from the coffers of AIA members to your local Senator. Meanwhile, there is such an uproar over a misguided fear. Fear of losing their insurance? No. More like fear of someone they feel undeserving getting some "freebie". An unemployed person? Well, if it's someone you know, it's "Bobby's going through a tough time, he got laid off". Someone you don't? "Fucker should ...

I was more than elated when Al Franken finally made it to the Senate. In the clip below , he speaks to a small group, who are obviously anti-"Obamacare" dittos, and treats them with dignity and explains the intricacies of the issue without pandering. If only we could clone him 99 more times. Please watch, it's enlightening and inspiring. I feel they should bring Franken out in public and on TV more often to talk about this issue.

Courtesy of Crooksandliars.com , the best explanation for the healthcare issue I've seen yet. This is how the administration and Democrats in Congress should be framing this. Animation by Andy Lubershane, click here to go to his website .

Tonight's Cee U Next Tuesday award, which is given to the women who boldly break the glass floor to the sewer of douchbaggery in which men excel, goes to CNBC's Maria Bartiromo. Maria proves that Jim Cramer isn't the only ignorant asshole on the network during her segment with New York congressman Anthony Weiner . After Weiner extols the benefits of a public plan, comparing it to Medicare, which has a huge satisfaction and success rate, Bartiromo asks in all honesty, "How come you don't use it [Medicare]? You don't have it. How come you don't have it?". Um, dumbass, Rep. Weiner is 45. F-ing DUH. And this is who they have on their business channel? WTF? And she rolls out the "you'll die of cancer in England" right-wingnut meme that's been floating around. Maria, you've proved once and for-all that you are a certified fucktard and have no business being on television until you get your ass to remedial school. Stat. Becuase there...

Governor Rick Perry had a hissy fit last winter when the federal stimulus plan passed, and was one of the holy douchebag triumvirate (with Sarah Palin and Mark Sanford) who tried to "refuse" the money intended for their states. In the end, all he would reject out of the 17 billion was $555 million that would have gone towards unemployment benefits , something that in my mind with the economy in the crapper would have been a helpful thing. But no, honey got the vapors from all that. Well how's that all working out for you ? Actually, not well, since now Texas is asking for a loan from the federal government to pay for unemployment. That now they'll have to pay back. Classy. And his reasoning for not taking the stimulus money in the first place? To receive the full amount of stimulus money available, lawmakers would need to adjust the time period used to determine whether people are eligible for benefits. Texas also is being asked to expand eligibility to include thou...

Only Jon can draw out agony better than I can only aspire to be. Watch the whole thing in awe.. The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c Lenny Dykstra's Financial Career www.thedailyshow.com Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Joke of the Day

While President Obama is in Europe trying to broker a delicate economic summit between testy heads of state, the Republican party is still oblivious to anything wrong in this turmoil. Witness perennial nerd-douchebag Eric Cantor, who thinks he's all that and fries on the side, declare that it's drug addict Rush Limbaugh that has his fat pulse on the nation, and not the rest of the rational world... “As far as Rush, Rush has got ideas. He’s got following. He believes in the conservative principles that many of us believe in –- of lower taxes, of making sure that we turn back towards a focus on entrepreneurialism in this country, to promoting innovation and not stamping that out by over-reacting, if you will, which this town often does, to crisis.” You can listen to the snake by clicking here , or read the transcript here . Now there's Brian Beutler sounding all apologis t by saying the Cantor wasn't directly saying the Democratic party , but if not, who the fuck are ...

A question to the anarchists creating havoc at the G-20 summit in London, smashing bank windows and acting like a witchhunting mob.. Do you really think you're fucking helping anything?

For more proof that Capitol Hill Republicans can't catch a break to spite themselves, they pigheadedly went ahead to present their version of a "budget" today . On April Fools . What ignorant dillweeds. Nice try, being buried under Obama's British trip and all. And what does their vision of getting this country out of a paralyzing recession/depression with unemployment figures skyrocketing? Tax cuts. Throwing Medicare to the wolves . Let's just fuck the old people. Oh, and numbers . Whee. If you notice, they're trying to extrapolate out 48 years from now. Priceless. Can they all just go back into their hole now?

Today Barack Obama arrived in London for the G-20 economic summit today. The G-20 is comprised of the 19 of the largest economic powers of the world, as well as a representative from the European Union (which already has members France, Great Britain, Germany, and Italy individually). From North America you've got the US, Canada, and Mexico; from South America Brazil and Argentina; from Africa there's South Africa;in Asia you have Turkey, Russia, China, India, Indonesia, Japan, Saudi Arabia, and South Korea; and lastly Australia. Now if this truly were the top-19 you'd include Spain at #12, Iran at #17, and Taiwan at #19, and lose Saudi Arabia (surprisingly to me), Argentina, and South Africa. But nevertheless, this is a true powerhouse of world leaders. With every economy in the world in a tizzy, there's some hard work ahead, making the protesters there look almost sort of foolish. However, at least we won't have to be embarrased by scenes like this :

Lest we not forget, scumbag Bernie Madoff's in jail, but his Marie Antoinette wife Ruth runs free..click to embiggen... Thanks to the inimitable Danziger - go see his cartoon archive and if you likey buy his books by clicking here ...

Well this week's political/economic news started off with a bang - it was announced that as part of its bailout, General Motors' chairman Rick Wagoner (pictured above) was forced to resign. GM will get 60 days and Chrysler 30 days in which to make a final push toward proving they can run viable businesses. If Chrysler succeeds, it will receive a $6 billion loan. In GM's case, the officials would not specify how much money the carmaker might receive. In addition to the resignation, it was broadcasted that the companies had to make drastic changes, including concessions by the auto union UAW. Now of course, this leads me to think this: at what point does the administration believe that a union contract is more malleable and passable than the supposed "contracts" that insured the fatcats at AIG, Citigroup and Bank Of America get their million-dollar bonuses and perks. What the fuck is that? Remember where you came from, dude. Of course, the right isn't too happy ...

It's not ordinary circumstances when you see an economist on the cover of a major news magazine. Not even a Nobel prize-winning one. But with the economy in the tank and the whirlwind on Wall Street the talk of the day, it was time that Paul Krugman would get his due. A columnist for the New York Times , a professor at Princeton University, a TV presence on ABC's This Week with George Stephanopoulos , and an author to boot, it's hard to believe the man has time for anything. And instead of living in spotlights like a lot of recent political types can be (including the totally not-ready-for-primetime Tim Geithner), Krugman's work seems to be more of the guy who walks around with the "end is near" signs if that man were sane and business-savvy. The Newsweek article does try to trump up the difference between him and the administration, while the real concern is that he thinks we are just going half-way from where we really should be going. Krugman is not likely ...

It all comes down to a Margaritaville machine. God Damned Jimmy Buffett!

Well the lil' ole Republicans were gettin' their feelins hurt by being called out by President Obama (among others) for the stream of televised whinefests over his proposed budget, without offering any concrete plan of their own. And because we've inherited an economic mess and a fiscal mess -- (laughter) -- this budget makes the tough choices necessary to cut the deficit by the end of my first term in half -- even under the most pessimistic estimates. We've already proposed $2 trillion in deficit reduction over the next decade. We'll continue making these tough choices in the months and years ahead as our economy recovers. And to a bunch of the critics out there, I've already said, show me your budget. (Laughter.) Show me what you want to do. (Applause.) And I'm happy to have that debate -- because I believe in the vision of the Democratic Party. (Applause.) Well, the Villagers were called, that there will be a big! news! day! for the GOP. Of course, the V...

Last night was President Obama's first press conference since February 10th, when the economy was still is "burning flames" mode. Since then a whole ton of shit has happened - the AIG bonus debacle, the budget proposal, the Geithner spectacle, and the up and down of the stock market that has people pretending like it's supposed to make any sense. And true to form, after a very clear yet a little didactic "I got this" speech, a good portion of the reporting pool proceeded to play this week's edition of "Media games!". In "Media Games!", each Beltway hack tries his best to not really report news, but to become part of the news themselves. Chuck Todd from NBC tries to prove himself amongst the cool kids by being a total tool, asking the president whether Americans have suffered enough since times are tough. Fuck you, dickweed. Maybe if you're out of work, or your 401K has gone to shit, or you're forced to take a second job to ge...

As the Washington media scrambles around the stupid non-story of the 60 minutes "laugh" meme-fest, just like the stupid fucktardery around the AIG bonuses shielding the public from the real issue at hand; that the economic team behind Obama is seemingly steering us into the same financial bubble shit that got us into this recession/depression/whatever we're in right now. Yes, I'm stupefied that someone I thought as populist savvy as the president would be so dismissive of the huge and warranted outcry over the fact that, whether it was money doled before his term or not, public money was used to give out bonuses to dickwads who wouldn't have even a regular paycheck if we just allowed AIG to go under. When your work produces a pile of dick, dick is what you deserve back. Welcome to the real world, where the ordinary guy doesn't get a perk just because . I don't want to hear any more sob fucking stories about how these tools are scared for their wives or th...