Story of the night: America's new job program - Fellating the Banking Industry

Look, Ma, I can get blown with no hands!

Today Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JP Morgan, not the bubbly judge from the Gong Show, but the company that sort of lost 2 billion fucking dollars from the economy, was hauled before Congress so that they could indict him on fraud charges lick his balls like an overeager eunuch. Dimon testified before the Senate Banking Committee, which by the name would seem to imply a certain assumption of knowledge about the subject. But instead we get this from South Carolina's (that's the brain-addled Carolina) Jim DeMint, King of the "Tea Party"....

"We can hardly sit in judgement of your losing $2 billion," the junior senator from South Carolina explained. "We lose twice that every day here in Washington and plan to continue to do that every day. It's comforting to know that even with a $2 billion loss in a trade last year, your company still, I think, had a $19 billion profit. During that same period, we lost over a trillion dollars."

You're fucking kidding me. Yes, Jim, that's voicing the reason of the common man.  This twat goes on to ruse about the peril of actually regulating these fuckers from tanking the economy exactly like they did a few years ago. (And by the way, this is only one of the reasons why the so-called "Tea Party" are nothinf, absolutely nothing, but cranky racists who'd rather wear war-reenactment garb than the more appropriate white hoods). But of course the Democratic (read: neutered) members of the committee must've given Dimon the what for, right? Kay Hagan from North Carolina (that's the slightly more educated in spot but still mostly bigoted backwards fucks Carolina):

“How big was the position?” Dimon declined to answer, saying that “my first job is protect my company and to manage it.” To that, Hagan responded: “I certainly wouldn’t ask anything to put the process in jeopardy.” An investigation, this clearly was not.

 That's grilling him, you idiot. In fact each one of these Senators took turn polishing Dimon's golden-plated knob until even probably he had enough. you know, C-SPAN would be a lot more helpful if when they showed these Senators, stats like a baseball game should appear in the bottom chiron, detailing the amount of bribes contributions these fuckers are getting from these snake oil salesmen.

The point of all this little dance is to swirl any random non-bubble citizen into a pit of confusion that somehow shortcircuits their brain into a zombiefied chant of "government is bad!". The fact is, this whole trading the economy like it was a highbrow day at the ponies was fucking us in 2008, and still is, yet variably half the country inert enough to pick up the phone for a polling call will vote for Romney because, you know, the oogly boogly. and their outrage over all these tax increases that never happened. Sad, mostly elderly people who pick up 20 minutes of a distended conversation on the radio or some chain email from some self-proclaimed libertarian/independent/reallyjustlobotomized friend. The ones gleaning off of every government program like Medicare and Social Security but insistent that those deadbeats (read "brown people") are shucking the system and stealing their tax money.

Meanwhile bankers like this shithole just lost 3 fucking billion dollars. And every other personal bank is now charging you 5 dollars for the pleasure of getting your money out of a machine because they're not open, and then more money if you actually go to a teller. Right, Grandma, those welfare queens sure are getting somethin' over on ya.

So absolufuckinglutely nothing was accomplished today at the good old Senate Banking Committee, besides spanking Dimon's monkey harder than a Thai hooker. Congratulations, America, you're one step farther into going down the black hole of economic disaster (well at least for those who are in the 99%).