Eurovision 2022 Spotlight: Semi Final Two...

 

 

Well, the first semi-final of this year's Eurovision Song Contest proved to be the circus it was set up to be, with surprises galore out of a field of mostly sub-par entries. It seems all the ballads made it through, probably with the televote going to Ukraine (for obvious reasons) and Norway for their novelty ditty. The second final is tonight (this afternoon in the States) and it's probably going to be a bloodbath, with far more worthy entries competing for just ten spots in the final. That seems to be always the case with one of the semis, but it's so blatant this year it's scary. There's definitely going to be someone unfairly cast out. But that's the name of the game, in the words of previous winners ABBA. So here's a recap of the 18 songs vying for the finals tonight...

 

1. Finland - "Jezebel" by The Rasmus

 

 After their success last year, coming in 6th with the god-awful metal pastiche of "Dark Side" from Blind Channel which used the "27 Club" as a f*cking hook, Finland has found a niche, sending another hard rock song, albeit from a much better and more established act. The Rasmus, who tried for the national finals ten years ago, are a well-known act in Europe, with two top-40 hits in the UK and their 2003 song "In the Shadows" a top ten hit all over the continent. "Jezebel" is a well put together mainstream version of metal, but will the 80's throwback carry over this time, or are people over the rock thing (see - Bulgaria). 

(6/10)

2. Israel - "I.M" by Michael Ben David

 

 After last year's #17 finish in the finals, Israel goes GAY GAY GAY with the vampy Michael Ben David and his winner of the X Factor in the country, "I.M". This song is every RuPaul's Drag Race song from the last 5 seasons put in a blender, with its vocabulary and self-aggrandizement, but David has the cohones to sell it, and at least is a performer with the vocals to try it. It has gotten a lot of ridicule prior to the contest, but after rehearsals he's gotten quite the amount of buzz. Will it work especially when it's up against another gay vampy song that's later in the running order? I'm not so sure. 

(5/10)

3. Serbia - "In corpore sano" ("In a Healthy Body") by Konstrakta

 

 In the last recap I said there were two entries that I active hate this year. This is the second. A too-witty for its own good treatise on personal health which name-checks Meghan Markle as a celebrity, it's performance art for those incels who have no idea who Yoko Ono is. There's a rabid fanbase for this, just like last year's trainwreck from Russia with Manizha, and look what happened there. After this contest I will never willingly listen to this again. To make me rather hear last year's slut pop of "Loco Loco" (which came in 15th) is really something. I pray this won't make it, but I know it will.

(1/10)

4. Azerbaijan - "Fade To Black" by Nadir Rustamli

Azerbaijan is the sole Russia-affiliated country left in this year's events, even though their silence on the Ukraine conflict has served them well. Last year they came in 20th with Efendi's campy "Mata Hari", but this year present the first of this semi's big male vocal ballads, which has him competing for jury votes with Australia and Poland. It's a good song, with a great vocal from Nadir, and the country is well-known for putting on a stage show, but as my third fave of the three guys, and so early in the running order, and without Russia and Belarus there, will it pass? We'll see.

(7/10)

5. Georgia - "Lock Me In" by Circus Mircus

Speaking of ex-Soviet states, here's the country that once was denied the chance to perform "We Don't Wanna Put In" at Eurovision, one of the most glorious trolling songs ever. They've always been kooky, and this year is definitely no exception, with this space-rock spectacle that sounds nothing like the other songs, or anything else. It's almost like a Muse track done by the Polyphonic Spree. But it's really cool sounding, if a tiny bit repetitive. It probably has no chance to advance (last year the country came second to last in their semi), but that's a shame. 

(5/10)

6. Malta - "I Am What I Am" by Emma Muscat

After winning that Mediterranean island country's national final with "Out Of Sight", Maltese singer Emma Muscat did a switcheroo to this schlocky self-help anthem that makes the "Fight Song" sound like "Stairway to Heaven". It seems totally marketed to the "fringe" groups, and whether or not she's sincere, it just comes across as unlikably cheesy. Defnitely this is not going to match last year's 7th place finish with Destiny's jazzy pop of "Je Me Casse".

(2/10)

7. San Marino - "Stripper" by Achille Lauro

Oh San Marino.

The small micro-state that's an island surrounded by Italy had my favorite song from last year's contest, "Adrenalina" by Italian singer Senhit (accompanied by stunt cast rapper Flo Rida). It was a glorious entry, by far their best, and in return they came in a totally underwhelming 22nd in the final. Well, this year, with a national contest that had locals and imports from a bevy of countries trying for a spot, Achille Lauro, fresh from losing with his try on the Italian national San Remo, nudged in for the shot this year with this trainwreck of a song that sounds like a rewrite of Gary Glitter's "Rock N Roll Part 2" (yeah, the football song from the convicted child molester guy). I know Lauro is a veteran of the Italian rock scene, but this is so trying to copy last year's success with Maneskin that I just can't. I got to at least give him props for going all out with the crazy, riding a mechanical bull on stage, but it's all too druggy for me. 

(2/10)

8. Australia - "Not The Same" by Sheldon Riley

After having their first non-final performance last year with Montaigne's quirky "Technicolour", the country goes all out with the second of 2022's big male vocal ballads with "Not The Same". Sheldon turns on the Broadway drama, from the costume to the emotional breakdown of singing about growing up on the autism spectrum as well as being gay. His vocal chops are stunning, and his self co-write brings such a personal touch to the performance, though the repetition of "Not The Same" may touch some (but, hey, that's the same with Poland's entry), but this damn well should make it though and in a fair world make top ten. 

(9/10)

9. Cyprus - "Ela" ("Come On") by Andromache

The island nation of Cyprus breaks the pattern of trying to replicate their #2 finish with "Fuego", with last year's "El Diablo" from Elena Tsagrinou coming in 16th. Here we get yet another Greek singer, though with a song that's more ethnic that Greece's entry this year, partly in the language. It's subdued, which is a benefit, it'll stand out in this semi, though it will get lost in the final if it makes it with all the other sedate songs.

(6/10)

10. Ireland - "That's Rich" by Brooke

It's funny that Ireland sends up what the UK should have been doing for the last decade. A delightfully trashy dance-pop jam that could be played at any Provincetown club right now. It's not Shakespeare, but it doesn't aspire to be it, and it's more enjoyable than the slim slut-pop offerings this year, though the gheys will still stick to Spain. Ugh. Still a nice change from last year's Lesley Roy who as nice as she was got lost in the shuffle and was at the bottom of her semi with "Maps".

(7/10)

11. North Macedonia - "Circles" by Andrea

If there was someone who was done dirty by last year's Eurovision, it was Vasil from North Macedonia, who came it only one rung above Ireland in the first semi in 2021. All the Eurovision fan-boy site spent months trashing the song and Vasil to the point where it was a done deal by the time of the contest. A similar thing is happening with Andrea, and her "Circles", even though it's not on a level that Vasil's "Here I Stand" was, is a current competent pop of the moment with feeling. Andrea gives her all, but I don't trust the juries nor the televote here. It's a shame.

(5/10)

12. Estonia - "Hope" by Stefan

Meanwhile the Balkan country of Estonia, one of my long-standing favorites, also were unjustly panned with Uku Suviste's stellar adult-pop of "The Lucky One", left behind in 2021's semi two. So this year they send this carbon copy of Avicii's "Wake Me Up" and Eurovision winner "Hero" for a EDM/country mashup that repeats "I Hope" so many times it's numbing. 

(2/10)

13. Romania - "Llamame" ("Call Me") by wrs

 

 So here's the other of the campy gay dance-pop songs in this final, and I believe that this will win out, for better or worse, for its placement in the running order, and the crowd reaction to his more subdued delivery. After missing out on the finals for years, Romania deserves to be back in the final, even if the song isn't my bag.

(4/10)

14. Poland - "River" by Ochman

Right now, this is my winner. Operatic singer Ochman, born in Massachusetts to Polish parents before moving back to the country, comes through with a moving and emotional song that gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. It's a ballad, but it moves (and "flows" like a river), and his highs and lows and THAT DAMN KEY CHANGE ON THE BRIDGE strike my heart with his torment on atoning for his past transgressions. Poland should be proud, especially after last year with my most hated song of the year, Rafal's "The Ride". 

(10/10)

15. Montenegro - "Breathe" by Vladana

Like North Macedonia, fellow Balkan country Montenegro has been done wrong by the Eurovision community in recent years, and sat out last year's contest. They return with strong singer Vladana and her Balkan ballad "Breathe". The lyrics in the chorus do make it obvious that its from a non-English as a first language writer, but as a whole, the timely verses hopefully grab an ear during this semi. 

(8/10)

16. Belgium - "Miss You" by Jeremie Makiese

This year's Belgian entry is the sole singer of color in this year's contest (though Sheldon Riley is half Filipino), and his soulful voice is so welcome in all this caucasity. But the song itself is a little stiff, and though he gives his all, it doesn't hit me, but then again, the same went with Sweden's Tusse from last year, and he made the final. After last year's A-listers Hooverphonic's stellar "The Wrong Place" came in 19th in the final, you can't count Belgium out.

(4/10)

17. Sweden - "Hold Me Closer" by Cornelia Jakobs

We go from the soulful Makiese to the totally barren Swedish entry. The song itself is a pretty approximation of Robyn's middle period, but to me Jakobs has no convincing emotion, using a raspy voice to emulate pain. Competent, yes, but by far the most overrated entry this year. But this definitely will do better than last year's 14th place finish from Tusse with "Voices". At least it doesn't infuriate me.

(5/10)

18. Czech Republic - "Lights Off" by We Are Domi

This semi-final is closed out by the best uptempo song of the contest, with Czech/Norwegian trio We Are Domi with this synthpop gem. The build-up of the track and the energy is better than most of what's on the dance charts now, and this should get a worldwide audience. In my dreams this would make the top 5 in the final.

(9/10)

So here we go. I'll be back Saturday with a preview of the "Big Five" - the UK, Spain, Italy, France, and Germany, four of which have a chance to do really well. (snark). Cheers!