How Glee became unbearable in 10 uneasy steps - Part 5: The "Glee Project"...

Ryan Murphy in 2010:

Though they collected the tryout videos, Murphy and Fox execs have since quietly agreed to kill the on-air competition after it became clear that working on the reality show would mean less time for planning season two (and the recently announced season three).

Ryan Murphy in 2011:

Riiiiight.

If what was leaked in 2010 was real, Murphy should very well have kept his promise.

One of the biggest draws of Glee was that it was a smart, original, yet youth-oriented show that wasn't a reality program. With the advent of that scourge, networks looking to fill their schedule with cheap, sensational colisseum-style entertainment were able to find tons of willing nobodies willing to do whatever crazy shit possible to get on TV. Strand yourself on an island for a month. Eat ridiculous things. Knock yourself up as a teenager. Don't clean your house for like ten years. Pretend to be a "housewife". You get the picture. And music? American Idol turned an art form into a "which rabid 12-year-old texter base has the most tenacity". To throw your hat in the ring of this medium basically says that you're a whore for publicity. And I guess in 2011 prostitution was back...

Now it's one thing to have a competition in the name of "fans deciding on a special cast member". But, no. The Glee Project was run like the pseudo-competition shows like America's Next Top Model or RuPaul's Drag Race or Project Runway, where the paring down of contestants is done by a panel of judges (as well as a committee of production staff, but they won't tell you that). So, basically, this is an audition, but strung out for weeks and only meant for the Bravo crowd to talk about it. (Yeah, yeah, I know it was on Oxygen, same damn difference. Andrew Cohen is evil. Between him and Seacrest the collective IQ of television has dropped 50 points). So a pretaped ten episode distraction from concentrating on developing a fully cohesive second season was sacrificed for this dog and pony show. And for what? To see a narcissistic faux-hipster Cameron Mitchell audition and be on the show, claiming that he didn't really know the series, and then leaves because he's butthurt that he may have to act out a "gay" scene on the show. Mary Frances, please. If gay people give you the oogly-booglies, don't fucking go on a show about fucking "Glee". The most non-traditional of the dozen were ceremoniously shoved off. So what they ended up with is a holy-roller in dread-locks, a generic but competent girl, an over-the-top drama queen who played the game, and an Irish ringer who they couldn't deny the voice even though he talks like he's got three pieces of bread in his mouth. So who did they pick of the four?

No one.

Well actually all of them, changing the rules like a five year old playing Candyland, and making two winners and two runners up, with all four winning the "prize" of a role on the show. Whee. And of course, Lindsay, the one they even only had in their "bottom three" once (as opposed to the others) and winning the final challenge or whatever, doesn't even get to be one of the "winner's". Please.

Lord, almighty. It's sad to see Lauren up there, knowing she'll be kicked to the curb unceremoniously by season three.

And for all their whining about never having enough episode time to develop or keep characters that not only had promise but were fan favorites (Lauren Zizes, Matt Rutherford, Azimio, Karofsky goddamit!), RIB sure enough found enough to shove all four of them in there - Damian McGinty as incomprehensible exchange student Rory, Samuel Larsen as deadhead Jesus freak Joe Hart, who looks just like Larsen himself, filthy, and seemingly smelling of patchouli, pot, and funk. Lindsey Pearce was thrown a bone as a rival school star, and Alex Newell came on as Mercedes and Kurt's love child that never was, just so Kurt can tell him he doesn't understand assuming a woman's presence even though he did it three fucking times in season one. What the actual fuck. And both Larsen and McGinty's characters are so slight that they can be completely absent from episodes with no explanation whatever (I guess they're collaborating with Quinn somewhere, or maybe seeing how Dave's doing).

And now they're running this trainwreck again for another season, because, of course, there's not enough fake reality shows on the teevee. Save us the time, and do your auditions on your own. Better yet, take better care of the characters you've already created. Maybe you wouldn't be halving your audience.

Next: The chauvinistic dicktease that is Brittana.