No man on earth can say that he don't wanna...

Oh Robbie, what in the world has happened to you? You’ve gone from the superstar of British pop to a drug-addled male version of the Britney/Winehouse/Whitney class. Leaving British boy-band Take That, Robbie Williams became a British singing legend, racking up millions of record sales and racking up 24 top-10 singles in the UK (every one he put out save two). Every album he released in England hit #1 except his live one, which made #2. However, in the US, somehow inexplicably he hasn't caught on, only releasing 3 of his albums here physically (his latest two studio albums are on I-Tunes). After losing both original collaborator Guy Chambers and fill-in Stephen Duffy, Robbie Williams’ latest album, Rudebox, is a disappointingly scattershot stopgap affair that has a few moments of splendor amongst a lot of faux-rap dreck. Somehow Robbie fancied himself at this point of his career more of a rapper than a singer (or was his voice suffering?) and the album is strewn with weird attempts to ape Mike Skinner (from the Streets) in a bombastic pop setting. This is from the get-go with first single “Rudebox”, which besides the hilarious line “dance like you just won at the Special Olympics” is an unfunky mess of rhyming non-sequitors, all revolving around an apparent euphemism for his “lady’s” privates. “Viva Life On Mars” is just as strange, though it’s at least fun in its own spacey mindless way. The only true glimmer of the “old” Robbie is “Lovelight”, a swirling crescendo of pop sugar goodness disguising a heartbreaking lyric. Unfortunately the momentum is immediately broken by the dreadfully inane remake of Manu Chao’s “Bongo Bong and Je Ne T’Aime Plus” which may have worked for the world artist writer, but certainly not here – it sounds like he’s scrambling for lyrics and spitting out gibberish. The second of the three charmers on this set, “She’s Madonna”, sounds more like a Pet Shop Boys record featuring Robbie then vice versa, even though the song was not written by PSB, but rather the sole Stephen Duffy co-write on here. A transparent dig on Ms. Ciccone’s husband Guy Ritchie’s unceremonious dumping of his former girlfriend (with “I love you baby, but face it, she’s Madonna”) fits their cutting schtick perfectly, and Williams is a better voice to come across as someone who can afford to dump someone for Madonna (no offence, Neil.). The flow again veers off track to stumbling hip-hop filler “Keep On” (though backing help from Lily Allen tries her best to save it), pill-popping ramble “Good Doctor”, and inexplicably namedropping “The Actor” (again naming the Ritchie). “Never Touch That Switch” is a confusing somewhat futuristic song that probably would have been pitched to Britney if she was more coherent at this point (of course changing English town names to American). He next cover is the Human League’s minor hit “Louise”, which he passably carried, though by no means overtakes or deviates from the original. The “boys” are back, though not in a good way, with the horrible paean to the band “We’re The Pet Shop Boys”, which somehow was Robbie singing that he is one, along with tossed in titles of PSB songs. Blech. Following an unassuming “Burslem Normals”, Williams find inspiration again, this time oddly with a remake of his ex-partner Stephen Duffy’s “Kiss Me”, which is revamped and discofied, though not totally original, at least campy entertaining. Williams’ then delves back into rap with the autobiographical “The 80’s” and “The 90’s”, which are interesting to Williams fanatics are those seeking bile towards Gary Barlow, but meandering as songs themselves otherwise. The wistful “Summertime” sputters the album out to an anticlimactic close, though after a spell a “bonus” rant, “Dick head”, furthers the pain. I’ve read that Robbie has reconciled with Guy Chambers, and if that’s so, I have higher hopes for his next set. Otherwise, I’m afraid he may be slipping into muddled mediocrity that doesn’t befit him. In the meantime, I-Tunes carries the album, where you can get the best cuts (and if you’re really into it, “Louise” and “Viva Life On Mars”), and avoid the rest.

Grade: C-
Best Cuts: “Lovelight”, “She’s Madonna”, “Kiss Me”
Weakest Links: “Bongo Bong and Je Ne T’aime Plus”, “Good Doctor”, “Rudebox”, “We’re The Pet Shop Boys”, “Summertime”, “The Actor”, “The 80’s”, “The 90’s”

Rudebox hit #1 in the UK album charts, and #17 on the US digital album chart.
"Rudebox" hit #4 in the UK.
"Lovelight" made #8 in the UK.
"She's Madonna" made #12 dance club in the US and #16 in the UK.
("Bongo Bong..." was released as a single and was a minor hit in New Zealand and Switzerland)

Listen: "Kiss Me" [Click here to listen]

Buy: You can pick up Rudebox at I-Tunes or websites like here and here.

You may like this if you're into Justin Timberlake or Mika.
If you do like this you'd like his earlier albums.

And now the clips...first up the wacky video for the painful title track...