I wish I could unremember everything my heart's been through...

Kenny Rogers is the Cher of country music.

Hear me out.

First off, let me say, I generally like Kenny. In fact, as a younger cub I sorta had a weird little crush on Kenny. Not really like in a sexual way, but like "he's Prince Charming-husband material sort of way". Of course seeing Sixpack 2 gazillion times on HBO probably didn't hurt. His music, was alright, but always there. There always was some kind of Kenny Rogers music in my early years, from the First Edition stuff to his country stuff to his pop stuff to his soft rock stuff. But lots of things also tip me off to make him the country "Cher" for me.

Cases in point:
#1) He's survived like roaches after a nuclear war. I mean, where other country artists can get put to pasture after even 3-5 years of relevance, Kenny is like the great-great-grandfather to the newbies. Even having a top-20 hit in 2006, at the age of 68. Like Cher's "Believe" hit #1 at 52. Hmmm...

#2) Kenny's gone through a myriad of style changes, some drastic, but not shocking (like a Madonna). Observe:

(doesn't really count cause it was his pre-career, but here it is)

Kenny in his First Edition hippie period.

Kenny in his "The Gambler" western era period.

Kenny in his late 70's pop balladeer/extra Commodore period.

The Sixpack crush phase.

His second coming of Guilty-era Streisand period with the Gibbs (hmmm.....)

His plodding along seemingly-gracefully period... and then...

The OMG plastic surgery Kenny. The "I hope he sued" Kenny. The "you can't look 30 when you're almost 70" Kenny. Man.

#3) As with his looks, his music isn't really definable throughout the course of his career, and there's no one signature song of his, but a few big ones, and he's more known as a celebrity entity (and one-time roasted-chicken dealer) than a musician.

and the most damning evidence he's the Cher of country music.

#4) There's Kenny Rogers Drag.

There's nothing quite like the men who parade around pretending to look like Kenny Rogers. They even have a website for this, www.menwholooklikekennyrogers.com, which is so crazy waffle-house funny you have to see it. Besides Elvis, I don't know any other widespread guy who is aped so damn much. Amen.

So now for the new album.


Water And Bridges is Rogers' third regular-release album in his newest comeback phase which started with the surprise number-one hit "Buy Me A Rose" in 2000. It follows pretty much the same pattern of "safe" adult-country ballads with a few peppier numbers (but not too peppy to jolt you out of the seat at bingo). Lead single "I Can't Unlove You" was a deserved if not totally notable pleasant song, and there are scattered small gems in here like "You'll Know Love", the preaching "Someone Is Me", and the duet with rock dinosaur Don Henley, "Calling Me". The rest of the album ranges from the music-by-numbers ("Half A Man") to the hokey ("My Petition") to the "throw out names for the hell of it cuz Billy Joel did it" ("The Last Ten Years"). All and all not a horrific effort, but clearly he's playing safe to keep himself in the majors (which admittedly is a hard thing to do when you're pushing 70). If you're a fan, you'll be happy with getting Water And Bridges. If you're tryin' to get a feel for Kenny's music, try one of his greatest hits sets, or ITunes a couple cuts from here.

Grade: C-
Best Cuts: "You'll Know Love", "I Can't Unlove You"
Weakest Links: "The Last Ten Years (Superman)", "My Petition", "Half A Man"

Water And Bridges hit #5 on the Country Albums chart & #14 on the Billboard 200.
"I Can't Unlove You" hit #17 country singles and #93 pop singles.
"The Last Ten Years (Superman)" made #56 country singles.

You can pick up Water And Bridges at websites like here and here.

To listen to the track "You'll Know Love", you can download by clicking here (right click to bring up another window).

And though you can't see a video on youtube, yahoo has the video for "I Can't Unlove You" at this link.

But hell, here's the way way funny MAD-TV clip with Will Sasso playing Kenny.